Florida School of Traditional Midwifery - Gainesville, FL

I have decided that I will be attending the Florida School of Traditional Midwifery in Gainesville. :)

It was a tough decision between the International School of Midwifery in Miami and FSTM in Gainesville, but I believe I came to the right decision.

They both have their pros and cons. Miami is a five hour drive south of here...but the tuition is free. Gainesville is not all that far, but the tuition is extremely expensive. I don't know anyone in Miami, and it's a huge city. Gainesville is a big city, but I do know some people there, and I absolutely love Alachua (and the Krishna temple there)! The school in Miami is a very heavy-traffic birth center. They do not prepare you for homebirth at all. And that was the biggest factor I took into consideration when I made my decision. I am going to be a homebirth midwife. I need to be schooled in homebirth practices.

Now that I have come to a concrete decision, I have to prepare for the move to Gainesville. My husband will have to get a job in Gainesville, and since Gainesville is about a two hour drive from where we live, we will have to move as soon as he gains employment. He is an A+ and N+ certified IT Technician, and he will have his MCP soon, followed eventually by his MCSA. A couple years ago, there were IT jobs everywhere, but nobody would recognize his Irish certifications (he is an immigrant), which is why he decided to get certified here in the states. But now that he is certified here, the IT jobs are gone (along with the rest of the economy)! This is going to make it difficult for him to find an IT job in Gainesville, so we're starting to look now.

I am trying to get a part-time weekend job now to help me put away the money for school next year. I have applied at a local bookstore in hopes of working weekends, but I have not heard from them yet. If I don't hear from them by Friday, then I am going to look into waitressing. Paying for school upfront is a BIG deal for me. I do not want to go the student loan route, though I will if I have to. If I can get a part-time job now, I can put every penny of the pay into my "Send Me To Midwifery School" bank account. It won't be much compared to the $20,000+ tuition, but it will be some.

I am also planning on fundraising big time. And I am not just talking about yard sales and car washes, though I plan to do those...I am thinking more along the lines of sponsorship. I feel that I have a lot to offer to my potential sponsors. When I complete my education and become a Licensed Midwife (LM) in the state of Florida, and a Certified Professional Midwife (CPM) via NARM, I plan on working a couple months throughout the year as a volunteer midwife in countries where midwifery care is scarce but badly needed. This is one of the biggest reasons that I want to become a midwife. I want to help women who truly need help.

So, I plan on going to non-profit organizations (churches, birth support groups, etc.) and natural-minded businesses (health food stores, birth centers, yoga centers, etc.) and asking for sponsorship. I'm thinking to distinguish between donations and sponsorship, a sponsor would make a contribution of $150 or more. In return, the sponsor will get unlimited advertising at each event I go to (birth faires, conferences, holistic health faires) and will have a link on the "Sponsors" page of my website. I will also offer to talk/present about birth at their organization or business, and to send them monthly updates on my progress. I am hoping to have everything prepared to begin looking for sponsors after November 5th.

Speaking of November 5th, that is FSTM's Aspiring Students Meeting!! I am very excited!! I plan on bringing my application to the school and giving it to them then. They are going to talk to us about the school and the requirements, and also give us a tour of the school/birth center. I plan on asking them about any pre-req's, and bringing my transcripts from my community college. I have my AA degree, so I'm hoping some of my classes will transfer over. I'll also see if I can take any of the anatomy classes at my local community college during this upcoming winter semester before we move to Gainesville. The only problem with that is if my husband gets a job in Gainesville before I finish the winter semester! We shall see what happens.

Then, on November 7th, I will have to go back to FSTM with my mom for the birth doula training! We are both very excited! I am hoping so much that my mom falls in love with doula work, and then quits her crazy job to work as a birth doula full-time! That would be so wonderful for her. Her job is insane and she works way too hard. She is battling daily migraines, and I really think the stress is having a negative effect on her health. She loves helping women, too, so I think she would be a fantastic doula. :)

And then, November 19th is my and my husband's three year wedding anniversary! We have no idea what we're doing yet, but we're thinking of going to a Disney resort hotel and staying for three nights. November is going to be a great month!

Putting off one dream to begin another...

10/6/08

I'm not really sure where to begin.

I guess maybe this begins two days ago, when I attended a Wholistic Sexuality workshop with Sheri Winston...or maybe it begins years and years ago, when I was a child. Or maybe it began long before I or my mother or my grandmother was even born.

Does it really matter when it begins?

I have discovered, although I have known all along, that I am not ready to be a mother yet. I know we are never ready. Who is ever ready to become a mother? But...I am not ready to be the mama that I want to be. It does have a lot to do with my past and how I was raised. I am working on so many internal personal issues. I have so much more work to do before I can parent in the way I desire to parent. I need more patience. I need less anger. I need to learn to love myself before I can give love to a child. And I need to build my marriage more to prepare it for another member.

I have also had this hole in my heart for as long as I can remember. A desire to be loved unconditionally, a desire to be rescued. I have a fear of abandonment. I've tried to fill this hole with thing after thing after thing after thing...but the hole is always there. I traveled to Scotland, then to Ireland...and the hole remained. I picked up hobby after hobby, and the hole remained. I married a beautiful soul who I thought for sure would fill the hole. He did indeed fill my heart, but the hole remained. It hit me like a ton of bricks when I discovered that I can't fill the hole with anything. I have to fill the hole myself. I am what is missing from that hole. My self-love, self-esteem, worth, value. My love for myself is what is missing from the hole. That hole will never be filled until I learn to love myself. And it's just not fair to bring a baby into the world to try to fill a hole that needs to be filled before the baby is ever even conceived.

So my husband and I have decided to put off trying to conceive. For how long? Well, however long it takes to learn to love myself. Maybe that will only be a year, maybe it will be three, five...I just don't know. The desire for a child is so great, and it will never really go away...but I know it is just not time yet. I have work to do before the time comes. I am not quite sure where to start, and this blog seems like it will be an on-going log of my progress.

I do know that the very first step in learning to love myself is learning to value myself. I have no self-esteem because I feel worthless. I feel like I am wasting my life at a job that is not helping people. I need to help people to feel like I am worth something. I know I matter, I do...I know that I am worth something. But, I do not feel like I am living up to my true potential if I am not actively helping people.

So the first step I am going to take...the first gigantic leap I'm going to make...is to quit my office job and pursue midwifery full-time. I want to travel overseas and help underpriviledged women have the births that they desire and deserve. I want to midwife for women who do not desire to birth in hospitals, but cannot afford midwifery services. I want to educate the community on pregnancy and birth and breastfeeding and parenting, and not just the people who can afford it. I want to help, and I am going to.

I am currently deciding between the Florida School of Traditional Midwifery in Gainesville and the International School of Midwifery in Miami. I live far from both, but farther from Miami. However, tuition is very costly in Gainesville, and free in Miami (apart from a $100 per month lab fee). Cost of living is more expensive in Miami, but my family lives closer to Gainesville. I have a lot to think about before I choose which school I am going to. All I know is that I am going...and soon.