My Voice

10/1/08

I have been singing since I was a tiny little girl. When I was 10 years old, my mom entered me into my first beauty pageant. There were two parts to the pageant: a talent competition, and an evening gown competition. I sang "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper. I had never been so nervous in my short life. Watching the tape of my performance now, I see a little girl who, while very scared, absolutely loved the attention. I was so scared, though, that I didn't smile even once while singing. My emotions have always given me away, and the fear showed in my eyes. I did not place that year, though one of the judges later told my mom that I was about two points off third-runner-up.

The next year, I entered the same pageant. I wore the same gown and sang the same song, only this time I added more dancing, and I actually smiled during the performance. I enjoyed myself tremendously, but I was still shaky and nervous. I got second-runner-up.

The third year, I entered again. I sang "Lipstick On Your Collar" by Connie Francis. I soaked up all the attention, and absolutely loved being in the spotlight. I smiled continuously and wasn't really nervous at all. That year, I took home the crown.

I entered a couple talent shows after that, but I was done with pageants. I went through a very awkward stage as a teenager, and had no self-confidence. Things were not going well at home, and because of this, I didn't care much about anything. I still sang at church through the choir and through solo-work, but I wanted more. Unfortunately, unless I wanted to do pageants again, which I did not, my singing was limited to church and the shower.

I've always known that I have a fairly decent voice. But I was also one of those people who thought you were born with the voice you'd always have...so I never asked for voice lessons. I accepted the fact that I could sing, but not awesomely enough to ever really go anywhere with my singing.

Last year, I attended a vocal workshop with Krishna Rose, an amazingly talented Kirtan and Celtic singer. She gave us a CD of vocal exercises to practice and taught us how to properly breathe. Within three months, out of nowhere really, I noticed a dramatic improvement in my voice. I have always been a soprano, but my range broadened and I began hitting notes clear as a bell that I'd never been able to hit before. Soon after that, I started taking vocal lessons from her, but only once a month because she lives over two hours from me. She has become my friend as well as mentor, and I am so glad to have met her.

Singing with Krishna has given me the confidence I needed to start singing again. I am going to be singing back-up for her at her upcoming local concerts. I have also begun searching for musicians to co-create a Celtic/Renaissance/New Age-style group to perform at Renaissance Faires and local concerts. I have already had an inquiry from a gentleman who plays the bodhran and tin whistle, and I will hopefully be meeting him soon. I am also on the lookout for a guitarist and violist. I am hoping to create our own original pieces, as well as perform some well-known favorites. Eventually, we may record a CD, but live performance will be the main aspect of this group.

I am beyond excited about singing again. As much as I love birth and herbalism, I can honestly say that singing is my one, true love. When I sing, all my worries and cares go away. It is just me and my voice and my audience, whether that be my dog or a room full of people. When I can actually feel that my music is making a difference in someone's life...when they clap or stand or ask for more...when I look at them and see them smiling back at me...I live for that moment. It is magical. I want nothing more than to sing for them forever and ever.

This year is going to bring about lots of changes. I will hopefully be pregnant soon, and then we will see about quitting my office job, growing my childbirth business, and singing as much as possible, to whoever would like to listen. I feel like I am doing so much at one time, and I am trying not to get overwhelmed. Honestly, if I could just quit my office job and focus solely on birth, herbalism, and singing, I believe I would be a completely different person. My true self. But...right now...birth, herbalism, and singing is not putting food on our table, so until it does, I must keep going and try to make the best of the situation I am in at the present moment.

I will keep you updated. :)